Saturday, May 7, 2011

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Amy.

I need some serious guidance tonight about why some children have to suffer. I’ve recently learned of a family who is losing their young son. I’ve actually known about them for months, but the thought of what they’re dealing with makes me so incredibly sad that I’ve had to force myself to think of something else. Or, to be embarrassingly honest, I’m grateful my child is healthy, and I’m thankful it’s not my family who’s struggling with this. I cannot understand why You would take this child from his family? Or why You would allow cancer to?

I’m completely overwhelmed by the mere thought his family’s grief. Why him? Why this family? According to doctors he has only a few days left. He’s been released from the hospital and allowed to go home, but they’ll be spending Mother’s Day with a hospice nurse. The young boy is their only child, and I imagine that after realizing they can’t trade places with him they want to die too. I would.

How do you say goodbye to your baby? The mere thought makes me physically ill, and I have desires to wrap my own child up in my arms, quit my job and never leave my house again. It makes me want to go ahead and give my baby the popcorn and popsicles she asks for at breakfast. Why worry about her sleeping in bed with us? If I can keep her as close to me as possible maybe, just maybe, I can keep her safe.

My heart aches for this mother who will never watch her son drive down the driveway with a brand new license. She’ll never teach him to dance or swell with pride as he receives his diplomas. He won’t ever get the opportunity to choose a career path, and she won’t be able to brag about his most recent promotion. She’ll never meet his future bride or rock her grandbabies.

It’s completely and utterly unfair, and there’s no amount of “it’s God’s will” or “God must have a bigger plan” or “you never know what good things will come out of tragic situations” explanations to make me feel any differently. I’m pissed off. I’m sad and confused and helpless to change any of it. Everyone is.

All I can do is pray for this family and beg for mercy that I’m never faced with their situation. I can also encourage all mommas and daddies to hold your babies very closely tonight and count your blessings.


  1. Amy, I'm so sorry to hear about this - it really does make you look at your life and count your blessings. One of my sorority sisters from college had boy/girl twins and the girl at the age of 11 developed a rare form of cancer and died after about a year of fighting. I can only imagine how hard it was for her to go on but she had to for her son. I hope this family can find the strength they need to make it through this struggle.

  2. Maggie, I truly cannot imagine what you would do or how you would move forward. My thoughts are with anyone faced with the loss of a child.

    Thanks for your comment. I hope your Mother's Day is a happy one and you spend it having fun with your sweeties.

  3. I can't relate to this kind of pain. Both my children :are healthy, and very kind. And you're right, Amy. It is completely unfair! I'm not going to try to trivialize this family's pain, or explain it away. I know that's impossible. This is NOT God's will for this child. Psalm 91:16 tells us of God's will for this child. God is STILL able to heal this young boy. My God is Healer; Shelter; and Love. Even if He doesn't heal this young boy, He WILL give this family the strength to go through this. Look at 1 Corinthians 10:13. I love your heart for the hurting. May God continue to use you as light in this dark, pain filled world.

  4. Thank you for your comment, Beth.