Saturday, May 7, 2011

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Amy.

I need some serious guidance tonight about why some children have to suffer. I’ve recently learned of a family who is losing their young son. I’ve actually known about them for months, but the thought of what they’re dealing with makes me so incredibly sad that I’ve had to force myself to think of something else. Or, to be embarrassingly honest, I’m grateful my child is healthy, and I’m thankful it’s not my family who’s struggling with this. I cannot understand why You would take this child from his family? Or why You would allow cancer to?

I’m completely overwhelmed by the mere thought his family’s grief. Why him? Why this family? According to doctors he has only a few days left. He’s been released from the hospital and allowed to go home, but they’ll be spending Mother’s Day with a hospice nurse. The young boy is their only child, and I imagine that after realizing they can’t trade places with him they want to die too. I would.

How do you say goodbye to your baby? The mere thought makes me physically ill, and I have desires to wrap my own child up in my arms, quit my job and never leave my house again. It makes me want to go ahead and give my baby the popcorn and popsicles she asks for at breakfast. Why worry about her sleeping in bed with us? If I can keep her as close to me as possible maybe, just maybe, I can keep her safe.

My heart aches for this mother who will never watch her son drive down the driveway with a brand new license. She’ll never teach him to dance or swell with pride as he receives his diplomas. He won’t ever get the opportunity to choose a career path, and she won’t be able to brag about his most recent promotion. She’ll never meet his future bride or rock her grandbabies.

It’s completely and utterly unfair, and there’s no amount of “it’s God’s will” or “God must have a bigger plan” or “you never know what good things will come out of tragic situations” explanations to make me feel any differently. I’m pissed off. I’m sad and confused and helpless to change any of it. Everyone is.

All I can do is pray for this family and beg for mercy that I’m never faced with their situation. I can also encourage all mommas and daddies to hold your babies very closely tonight and count your blessings.