Those who know me well may have heard
my paper towel gyno story. For those who don't know see tip #10 for a better
idea. I'm pretty sure that experience caused my gyno apprehension. I believe your gyno visit goal is to get in and out with what you need without being the one who is
discussed over lunch. I advise this knowing I’ve been the topic of that
conversation, and I pray there's never a repeat.
Here's my list of dos and don'ts for
your next annual visit:
1.) Never schedule your appointment
after 11am. The later in the day you wait the greater your risk of a faux pas.
2.) Treat or give yourself a pedicure
the day before. Note: if you wait too late in the day you risk sheet marks, and
if you wait until the morning your shoes may ruin your handiwork.
3.) Choose your clothes the night
before, including bra, panties, socks, etc. Be sure every article you select fits
properly. You definitely don't want to stress over skin indentions from
items that are too tight. Note: trouser socks are especially dangerous and also increase your risk of sweaty feet. Note: avoid trouser socks at
all cost on the day of your exam.
4.) Don't eat asparagus the day before your visit. You'd hate for your urine sample to smell funny.
5.) If you don’t wax, you’ll want to
wake up early to allow extra time for a perfect shave. Everyone will be glad
you did.
6.) Of course you'll wear deodorant,
but don't overdue it. You don't want unnecessary white residue on your armpits
when you have to lift them during the breast exam. And if you think you need
extra deo on the day of your appointment you might want to rethink what you're wearing
on a daily basis.
7.) I used to pack a washcloth in a
baggie to be able to give everything a good once over before the actual exam.
My current gyno's office provides those towelettes in the bathrooms and exam
rooms. This saves me from having to think about it, but it also shows that some
women need the reminder. If you're unsure whether your office supplies the
wipes do yourself a favor and take your own.
8.) Decide your shoes carefully. I
have a friend who wore some really cute, leather knee boots to her exam. This was the first
time she’d worn them, and she wore them without tights. At first thought, this
was a smart move (See #9), but when it came time for her to get undressed she
realized the boots were stuck. God love her. She had no choice but to sit on
the edge of the table with those boots dangling over the side. You can
bet at lunch that day every person working in the office received hilarious
commentary and pictured her in the stirrups with those knee boots.
9.) It really goes without saying, but
if you'd even consider wearing hose or tights to your visit you need much more help
than I can provide. If you don't have an option and must wear hose to work,
make your appointment the first one of the day, pack your hose and put them on
after the exam. Or better yet, take a sick day, and enjoy a great lunch and
shopping after your appointment. You’ll most definitely earn it!
10.) When you’re in the exam room, and
the nurse tells you to get undressed the doctor will be right in, you’ll want to rush like a speed demon to remove your clothes. You don’t want to
have to say “Wait, please,” or (God forbid) have the
doctor open the door without knocking while you’re standing there half-naked. But I beg
of you to resist this urge and take time to ensure you’ve been left appropriate
coverage, i.e., gown, large sheet, etc.
This is something I wish I’d known
about a decade ago. I had an appointment with a new gyno and had to endure a
dreadfully long wait before my name was called. The nurse was in an
obvious rush trying to catch up and forgot to place the appropriate items on
the examining table. I was later told there was supposed to be a small paper
coverlet for my breasts and a larger one for overall coverage. I undressed in
a flash, walked over to the table and unfolded what was the equivalent of a
Bounty-sized paper towel. There was nothing else. I kid you not. If I hadn't have been completely out of birth
control pills and desperately needing a refill on my prescription I would have run out of
there and never looked back. If this happened to me today I would either get
dressed again, open the door and ask what the deal was or wrap the covering on the actual table around me toga-style. Instead, I was young and
less creative so I sat shamefully, legs-crossed on the table, and placed the Bounty over me
diagonally, attempting to cover my nipples and the top of my pubic area. When
the doctor walked in,
my chest and neck were bright red and burning up, my heart was racing and I was shaking my crossed leg
like I was high on cocaine. Of course the doctor realized the
mistake, ordered the nurse to get me the large paper sheet and turned to face the
door until she returned. Ultimately, I got my prescription along with plenty of free samples and never
graced that practice with my face ever again.
I encourage you to remember my story and these tips for your next
visit. I promise you’ll thank me for it in the long run.
